I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
