I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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