"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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