oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
