Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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