Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
