we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
