Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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