plz talk dirty to me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
