After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
