By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
