i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
