we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
