watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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