I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
