The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
