mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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