Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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