ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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