Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
