he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
even my farts smell like vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
