he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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