Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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