This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
