i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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