you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sext me about skeletons
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
