I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's always time for handjobs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
