Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
