If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
