I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
