I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
