Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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