This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
