He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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