Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
