I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
