so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
