am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
