I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
