Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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