my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
