so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
