wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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