seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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