but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
