So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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