I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
