i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
