we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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