bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
