remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
