sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
