Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
