Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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