Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
