I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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