There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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