She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
