do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
