she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
